Confessions of a Boston Girl in the Big City

"this feels right too."

it's also universal.

I first saw Sweet Home Alabama not much more than a month into my first year at college.

At the time I had not had a "serious" relationship last for more than 2.5 weeks (unless you count my platonic elementary school romance of 5+ years with the boy with the big droopy brown eyes).  Of course that hadn't stopped me from being convinced I might one day take back up with that high school sweetheart, marry him and settle down in the suburbs of Boston to coach our kids' little league teams and do hair & makeup for their middle school musicals and plays, but the point is, I could hardly be empathetic to Reese Witherspoon's character as she sat lamenting having to fully part with her past in order to properly move forward with her fiance, Dr. Patrick McDreamy Dempsey aka Andrew, who was waiting for her to clear up the little lingering issue of her divorce from her husband/stillborn's babydaddy (that's awful I know, but I'm attempting to stretch myself here), Jake, which she'd had to high tail it down to 'Bama to resolve....

Nevertheless, the tears poured down my fat Freshman face as I sat beside my roommate Fife, who was from Long Island and about as prone to crying as it's prone to rain in Arizona.  This was way before my dr. roomie would become my cousin and way before she'd come to learn that while her $40k/year tuition had gone to helping her understand anatomy and physiology, mine had gone to learning how to draw from my emotional well and cry on cue like a good theatre major.

My tears at Sweet Home then and to this day are entirely authentic though.  Since that night 10 years ago when I first watched the movie, I've pretty much cried from the time Melanie tells Jake as they sit on Bear's grave at the pet cemetary that "this feels right too" through the remaining 35 minutes of the film.

Whether I've had a Patrick Dempsey in my life at the time or not.  Niagra Falls.  Just the saddest tears.  Ask my roommates, ask my sisters, ask my bff, ask the parents of the kids I babysat during college summers who came home one night to see me all red eyed and had to try to not laugh/fire me on the spot as I explained that this movie just GETS to me every time.  Every time.  I can never not watch it if it happens to be on when I happen to be watching TV.

Anyway - tonight it hit me.

Because I came home to my swanky new apartment and my Texan roomie was listening to Country music as she unpacked her (amazing) wardrobe and I realized I bet that part of the movie gets her too.  I bet it gets anyone who's heart feels equally at home in their hometown as it does in the big world they're out trying to run.

A part of me always knew that even though I'd only gone 7 minutes away from home for college, one day I'd go far far away, and I'd have to, because my heart would be restless if I didn't let it go after its dreams, and because I had so much support from all of my family and friends it would be a shame to waste their belief in me and my confidence in myself, but a part of me must have also known that things like Christmastime would always tug at my heartstrings, because I'd know I was going home to the safety and comfort and "right feeling" of Boston a few times over the course of the holidays and I'd have to wrestle with myself.

And seriously ask myself, whether I'd given my whole heart away a long time ago...whether I was a Smueter or a Carmichael.

I've got many more Christmases to keep asking myself, and only time will tell of course.  But the real confession of this Boston Girl in the Big City, is that ideally I'd get the Best of Both Worlds.  That's right, Hannah Montana style.

Good thing there's no rules that say a 28-year-old girl can't dream.