Sunday, January 1, 2017

Dear Fear of Appearing Needy

In 2015, a few of my girlfriends and I picked up copies of a how-to book.  I was sold on doing so easily because I'm a sucker for self-help and secreting.  I also love a good guided meditation and journaling prompt.  Basically the book was right up my alley.

Recently I re-read my response to one of the exercises ... Lesson 38.  I've since thrown the book out (the book itself didn't bring me joy anymore but the journals I had kept while reading it did), so I don't know the exact assignment, but from what I gather it asked the reader to create a list of fears and imagine written correspondence with the fear found most nagging at the moment.

Here is what I wrote:

"Dear Danielle,

You run the risk of hating yourself, finding yourself weak and dependent like you've accused all of the women on your mother's side of being.  You will suck the life, energy and availability out of your oneday boyfriend/partner/husband, and they will come to resent you, and the relationship will implode.  You will show yourself to be a fraud having posed as independent and self reliant all these years, and you will sabotage the heights you've reached.

Sincerely,
Fear of Appearing Needy

Dear Fear of Appearing Needy,

You need to the chill the f*** out.  OK?  You actually do have needs. And that is OK.  That is not a sign of weakness.  No one is going to question your competency because you also want to be shown love, respect, appreciation and adoration.  You have to love who you are 100%, and who you are includes what you want and need.  And if and when those wants and needs show themselves you need to own them, not try to hide them, not be embarrassed by them, not think they're evidence of your fragility.  You can withstand hurt, you can relinquish control, and you can be a little needy.  It's not gonna kill you.  And what's more, some man is going to want so badly to fulfill those needs and cater to your ever-so-human neediness.  Don't worry.  Okay?

Love,
Me"

I think I may need to add "write more letters to myself" to my list of resolutions for this new year.

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