How I used A**hole as a pickup line

This weekend was one of the best weekends of my life. 

We brought my Dr Roomie to the Cape for the weekend and threw her bachelorette party of epic proportions... More on that later perhaps,  but first here's the text message conversation I had with a boy we met while out at the British Beer Company in Falmouth.

And by "a boy we met" I mean, a boy that had some sort of altercation with one of my other single roommates earlier in the night, looked like an a**hole and then answered when I called out to him from across the bar, "hey A**hole."  For whatever reason, even though the roomie and the gaggle of girls we were with AND I all agreed he was clearly of the a**hole persuasion, I also felt that he'd be fun to go makeout with on the cute little capehouse lined street around the corner from the bar.

1:02am Bridesmaid Naugs: Oh you are funny.  Are u on the beach?

1:04am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Haha nah... Wat a tease u are

1:15am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Wat u doin now?

1:17am Bridesmaid Naugs: Ha, heading back to great Harbor.  You coming, Colby? 

****his name was Colby.  a douche bag name if ever there's been one

1:18am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Absolutely not...it would be fun but too much energy

1:20am Bridesmaid Naugs: Total tease btw, I'll own it.  Haha 'absolutely not.'  Yup, funny / so cute

1:22am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Not gonna lie that was hilarious when those kids came by and w r on a rando lawn haha

1:23am Bridesmaid Naugs: Hahaha yesss yup I mean sometimes you just gotta make out on that lawn

1:30am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Wish u coulda came back here with me

1:40am Bridesmaid Naugs: Cab here and we can hook up in the outdoor shower - ha

1:41am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): There is an outdoor shower...haha...come on u treat me like I'm 7...u suck.  i was gonna walk u back here haha but u weren't down

1:42am Bridesmaid Naugs: Awwww sad.  Wait how old are you again?  Seriously I am sorry for asking and if I weren't bacheloretting I might have walked back w you

1:43am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Im 22...and haha it's ok idc... i'm sure u will have a good night anyways.. I just thought it would have been a great story

***idc is early twentysomething for I don't care

1:45am Bridesmaid Naugs: Aww yes, would've been an excellent story... another time :)

1:46am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Prob not...im never down here but whatever...I had fun.  u have the best personality.  i loved it

1:47am Bridesmaid Naugs: -ha- prob not - you're right.  Night boy-o

1:48am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): G'nite have fun...still upset lol

1:50am Bridesmaid Naugs: Get over it / into a cab.  Night cutie

1:52am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Haha u suck...gnite

1:53am Bridesmaid Naugs:  Hahaha

1:54am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Not funny

1:55am Bridesmaid Naugs: Yeah I am (funny).  Call my friend Pziok ankfok

***this is when i was more or less falling asleep while trying to text (we girls had played a LOT of flip cup and had three flavors of jello shots earlier on in the evening)

  

2:00am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): Wait that made no sense.  

2:01am Cute Cape Cod Boy (aka A**hole): U gotta hook me up with ur sister.

***my sorellina's 20, I had told him about her earlier, 'cause, well, they'd actually be kinda cute together.

Scribble scribble / goody goody

I'm reading this love letter to the LUWS (lower upper west side, essentially the deservingly glorified basement of the UUWS) written a while ago by Nora Ephron on Lena Dunham's recommendation.  It's likely anyone who's caught more than a handful of episodes of GIRLS now considers themselves on first name basis with Lena or at least in kindred company with her character Hannah, and I'm no different...  But I skimmed Lena's piece on Nora earlier this morning and thought I'd read the phrase Goody Goody where actually it said "Scribble Scribble" the title of a collection of articles Nora Ephron had written on the media in the 70s.

And anyway... that got me thinking about my first love and subsequent heartbreak... the night when Nick B. came to tell me in Day Middle School's atrium that Mike didn't want to "go with me" anymore... the tears my friends and I shed for the remaining two hours of the dance we were at as we mourned the door to our childhoods' closing and the fact that none of us had yet been asked to slowdance with any of the boys we liked...the pink fitted sweatpants and DARE t-shirt I moped around in the next two days and the more socially acceptable green leggings and Limited Too sweatshirt I changed into before going to face my new reality at school Monday morning on my mother's insistence...

It would appear that I had been dumped due to the fact that my elementary school love had peaked the fancy of kissing-Gen, who would become one of my best friends and fellow nookgirls as the years went on, and that - as he told so and so who told so and so who told so and so - he'd had Nick B. break up with me at that dance because of what a "goody goody" I was.

GOODY GOODY?!

It still somehow cuts to my core.  Ha.

Luckily though, the pain recedes, and I have the advice Nora Ephron gave Lena Dunham: "You can’t meet someone until you’ve become what you’re becoming."

How on earth could I have known what I was becoming at 10 if I still don't at 27?

Furry Tailz

I'm off to my second to last Level 2 Musical Improv Class right now with this in my head:




Utter brilliance, amiright?

Goin to the chapel...

Usually I leave the mushy blogging to my mamadukes but I am all bursting with love right now having gone to my best friend from kindergarten's wedding last night where I got to see her start an incredibly happy "grown up" life with my 9th grade crush.

Most of Newton made it out to the best party of the year so far at the gorgeous Granite Links plus a handful of my best friend from kindergarten's and my college roommates.  Because yeah, that happened, and life imitated the art of all of those classic teen TV shows like Saved By the Bell, Boy Meets World and 90210 and we went to the same college AND lived together...

and I tell people this story and love it as much now as I did in the moment, but one time sophomore year on the Heights, my best friend from kindergarten and I were getting ready in the bathroom we shared on our side of our 8 man suite, putting mascara and blush on, blowdrying our hair and what not, and it occurred to me/us that what we were doing in REAL life was exactly what we had played years ago when we would pretend to be getting ready for date nights with our then non-existant boyfriends in our apartment we shared as 20somethings.

True to fact that night sophomore year we DID have boyfriends coming over to pick us up.  Of course, mine came and went, hers took the plunge and has been in it / is in it for the long haul since then.

But my gosh if they weren't both BEAMING last night.  Just so freaking happy.  And no less happy than they would have been if they'd gotten engaged and married 4 or 5 years ago when she was more than ready to run down that aisle with him.  It's a marathon not a sprint, and it's been entirely worth the wait. 

It's always always worth the wait.

Her sorellina made me cry with the toast she made at the reception... admitting to having to sneakily play with my best friend from kindergarten's barbies while we were at school when she and their bambina sorella were home and she made no bones about not wanting to have to wait long to be an auntie, you just knew there was so much love in the Quincy air and reverence for family and commitment and man, it was just the best. 

Bring on the next 4 in the next 4 months.  I can't get enough of these weddings.

27 things I'm taking or leaving

I'm basically obsessed with everything that is "our late twenties."  My late 20s specifically, but the collective late 20s too.  I've had conversations in the past month with a handful of my faves who all agree this is quite an amazing time of life.

I'm also reading Bethenny Frankel's book, which I found in the bff's little sister's room while I was house sitting in Westchester this weekend.  For the longest time he couldn't remember who he'd last given it to.

Anyway, as such, I've been introduced to her concept of taking or leaving it.  And I like it.  And I just cleaned out my storage unit FINALLY and have come across some remnants of my mid-twenties, so now I'm faced with this interesting opportunity to physically take or leave parts of my past.  Some are easy to discard, some I'm happy to be bringing back to the future.

Here are 27 things I'm taking into or leaving out of my late 20s.

1. My CD collection (because it's never been impressive, but it will also never get old)
2. My job as an agent until I've made an extra $30k/yr
3. and this hair product I got in Australia four years ago, because I have found nothing like it stateside
4. (oh those are all takes, by the way) my first leave is furniture I found on the side of the road, it's time
5. Also leaving any shoes that are uncomfortable 
6. And/or any shoes that can't be salvaged by the cobbler
7. Also any jeans that haven't been hemmed and are frayed at the bottom
8. I'm taking my BC crewneck sweatshirt, cause the things practically vintage
9. Leaving my college bf's high school sweatshirt - actually not even just leaving it, giving it back to him this weekend so he can give it to his current gf
10. Taking my Nantucket Reds skirt OBVIOUSLY
11. Taking my Nantucket Scrapbook (DITTO)
12. Leaving my yearbook in my parents' attic, sorrynotsorry, Mum, one of these days I'll clear my ish out of there
13. But not any time soon because I'm also leaving my storage unit for good (for now) - seriously, it's like $1200 a year I need for my friends' wedding fund
14. I'm taking my Broadway dreams and my plans to get a sitcom
15. I'm taking the book - in a new direction - but also into publication (is that the noun of publishing?)
16. I'm leaving my notions of getting an MFA in writing or acting although
17. I'm taking my LSAT prep book - just in case!  (My dad'll love that)
18. I'm taking certain phone numbers I think it's fun to keep in my phone "Special Friend's, the photog's, Justin Fender Like The Guitar's" and "Sally (my therapist in Boston)'s"
19. I'm leaving others that it's really not worth it or appropriate for me to still have a tap of my fingertip away
20. I'm leaving teenaged drama and angst
21. But I'm taking passion and my love of love and Improv
22. I'm taking my 26.2 Bumper Sticker - HOLLER BOSTON 2012
23. Taking this cute off the cuff list of 25 things my mom said there were to love about me on the envelope of my 25th birthday card

   24.  I'm taking the picture of all of us in The Nook on our last day of high school
   25.  And the nook girls, my BC roomies, a few of the other 18 roomies I've had since    

          graduating, my SATC-like NY friends, my 2 favorite co-workers, my sisterfriends 

          (my whole family of course), the bff, his brother, my ACK roomies, and so on

          (the friends who lift me up and lighten my days with laughter)
   26.  I'm taking ambition, pride, humility, gratitude, courage and "The Secret"
   27.  And I'm leaving regret.  Life's too short.  It's also only just begun.

Partyfail

I've made and botched my fourth foray into online dating.

Count it.

The problem is I'm agreeable, a conversationalist, patient and a romantic at heart.

Oh, and that I'm going to 6 weddings in the next 6 month.  3 of them being my best friends' (my best elementary school, high school and college best friends'), so I've got this gloriously heightened view of the importance of committed relationships in the lives of late 20somethings.

So for a hot second I entertained the idea of taking a boyfriend this Summer when a spark match struck up conversation with me and started to do his best to woo me.

I'm just not that into him though and just not that into dating someone just so I can say I'm dating someone.  Even if he is super sweet, successful, worldly and taken with me. 

So as I do my best to strip my texts of their coy nature and send this boy a clear message concerning my disinterest (he, who has made a habit of texting me before 9 on weekdays and before 10 on weekends, and who queried "how can I court you if I can't see you?" in response to my insane-as-usual schedule), I'm catching up on Game of Thrones, which is way more fun that making get-to-know-you conversation while folding socks and packing a suitcase (that was the winner 3rd date we "went" on) and re-defining "romanticism."

I like to fall in love with guys I'm friends with first.  I have no business swimming in the online dating pool.  That's a school of gourami and worse hypostomus punctatuss fish.

In the words of the wise song I sang in George M back in the day, "I wanna be wooed first, put me in the mood first, I need that old moon above.  She's taken my glove.  My hand someone's kissing, my parasol's missing.  Take back your 20th century love."

(I mean you sort of have to see the song in action to fully understand the significance of the glove and parasol bits, which are probably only in there anyway to fit the rhyme scheme, but the moral of the story is, what's with the rush??  The best is yet to come and always worth the wait).

A note from Nomadic Naugs

I spent 7 days in Boston before boarding the 11:59 megabus to NY last night and hopping on the first metro north train from Grand Central to Pelham at 5:35 this AM so I could cab from Pelham station to the bff's parents' house where I'm house and dog sitting for 5 days.

The pup was happy to see me bright and early, for sure,  but I gotta tell you - full time fun naugs might not be slowing down but the nomad in me's lost some serious steam since the days when I'd do there and backs for work and whatnot, and I'm more aware of the importance of pacing ones' self than ever.

Thanks Boston 2012.

I was on the go every day and night that I spent this last trip up to MA, and my final day there, I remarked aloud every twenty minutes or so, "I have to go pack my suitcase."  But fast forward to 10:41 following the celebration of the bambina sorella's graduation and I had still yet to go actually do it.

I haphazardly threw together my clothes, work papers, and reading material from the bus ride to Boston and my pops drove me to South Station in the nick of time.

BUT THEN - here's where this "and then I found $20 sort of story" gets really good! - there was a DETOUR on the PIKE.... so we were cutting it uber close cutting through the Back Bay to South Station and THEN just cause it was thank kind of night THE ESCALATOR TO THE SECOND LEVEL OF SOUTH STATION WAS NOT FUNCTIONING.

So I had to haul my damn well traveled pink plastic suitcase up a flight of stairs in my gold flippy floppies.

And I was fine, cause the bus left 10 minutes late. But lords, lords, if that just is NOT the sort of stuff I want to be dealing with in my late 20s late at night.